For some reason people think that love is easier for good-looking people, or rich people, or white people, or men. And as a single, black, 30-something, successful woman, everywhere I turn someone is telling me how hard it is for me to find love. Well, I’ve decided that Steve Harvey and Sherri Shepard and Nightline and MSNBC can all kiss me where the sun don’t shine. Because I’ve come to learn that finding love is difficult for most people. It doesn’t have anything to do with your financial status, what color you are or even your sex. Love, real love, is precious and rare and it doesn’t grow on trees. It shouldn’t be too easy to find, because otherwise, why would anyone appreciate it? Observe anyone who is in a relationship where their partner loves and gives more freely than they do and I guarantee you’ll find someone who doesn’t appreciate what they have. It seems so unfair. They seem so undeserving. You can’t help but think, why can’t someone love me like that instead of them.

But I’ve chosen not to focus on them any more than I focus on the legion of naysayers that are trying to convince me that I’m not going to get the love I desire and deserve. And I don’t think you should focus on them either. When it comes to finding love, I’ve decided - and I think that you should decide as well - that I’m going to listen to a real expert: Luther Vandross. Yes, really. Not skinny, sexually questionable Luther, but straggly Jheri curl, jelly-bellied “Lutha”, God rest his soul. In one of his most prolific songs his answer is clear and simple: wait for love.

Like many of you I am tired of waiting. Damn tired. But what else is there to do? If the love you seek hasn’t materialized, there’s very little you can do to make it happen. You can work on yourself and your own issues, get yourself together, think positive and still come up with nada. You can sign up for dating services, ask to be set up, and hit the singles scene and still find yourself alone and longing. You can pray until your knees are rusty but until the divine one feels you are ready to receive that special love you crave, you’re not going to get it. But you will get it eventually, when the time is right. That may not be what you want to hear, but its a hell of a lot better than listening to a “King of Comedy” with 2 divorces behind him. At least it is for me.

Patience is a virtue, and although it isn’t one of mine I’m working on it, because I don’t believe that God operates under chaos or confusion. He knows what He’s doing a whole lot more than I do. By having me wait, He’s teaching me something, and I’m going to be still and quiet and listen until He answers so that I can learn my lesson. And I’m going to try and do it without an attitude.

So who’s with me? If you’re with me, open your window, tell Steve Harvey and ’nem to shove it, then hold your lighters in the air, wave them from side to side, and sing with me : ”I never stopped believing there could one day be, be a chance…for me to get the love, that I’ve been missing, sometimes love takes a long time, but wait for love and you’re gonna get the chance the chance to love, wait for love, wait for love”. Now hold on tight if you think you’re right. It’s coming. I don’t think Lutha would lie to us.

This week’s column is for my girls. I’ve got a secret for you that’s going to make your love life a lot easier. Submit. That’s all. Just submit. I’m not turning against the sisterhood, and I’m not saying  that by submitting you’re not going to have any problems at all. But trust me, if you give a man what he wants, it makes working through those problems less rocky. I know some of you are asking, “What about what I want? Why should I have to be the one to give in to what he wants?” I promise I will speak to the men next week about ways to please you, but I’m talking to you women first because what you may not fully realize, is that submission and power are actually the flip sides of the same coin.

Men (and women), please take heed to this very important warning: Jump-offs can not be trusted. I’ll say it again. Jump-offs can not and should not be trusted. You can live in denial if you want to, but never say that Auntie Meta didn’t warn you. One day, maybe not today but someday, that side piece you thought was none the wiser is going to find out you’re booed up or married and she or he is not going to be happy. Then, they’re more than likely going to spend a lot of time and energy making sure that you are not happy. As the icing on the cake, your partner isn’t going to be happy either, and they’re going to either leave you, or stay just make you miserable.

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The opportunity for those of us who want to know hip-hop star Trina intimately has arisen as nude pictures of the raunchy rapper floated through cyberspace this week. Trina claims that her cell phone was stolen and that she’s being blackmailed to pay for the safe return of her celly, or have even more pictures distributed to the seemingly endless number of gossip bloggers on the Web. Now, the self-proclaimed “Baddest Bitch” is making the rounds on various media outlets, discussing her ordeal and informing fans that the FBI is involved. It’s garnering the Diamond Princess more attention than anything she’s had to say on CD in the past 10 years. And while most people wouldn’t mind 15 minutes of fame, I doubt that they’d want to gain it from having their lifestyles and bodies scrutinized by millions. But, that’s just what can happen to you if you aren’t careful about what you send via cell phone.

Common sense should tell people that anything that can be lost or stolen so easily, such as a cell phone, should not hold valuable information. And, nude pictures of yourself should classify as something valuable, whether or not you are in the business of making money off of your body. Some might even go so far as to say that their nude body is priceless. But, if you send the wrong picture to the wrong person you might find out quickly that there is a price tag that can be attached to your nakedness, even if you aren’t a superstar. Read more »

Today didn’t start off as a good day. I’m dealing with my own personal love drama just days after an unexpectedly wonderful and perfect Valentine’s Day. To say the least, I am a bit flustered. I tried to shake it off; after all, I’m supposed to be the chick with the answers. So, I planned on working out and clearing my mind with a nice 3-mile run, but even the Black Eyed Peas couldn’t get me motivated. I scrapped that plan. Instead I opted to pretend that nothing was wrong and went about my daily routine only to realize that not only had I forgotten an account number I needed to pay a bill but that it was Wednesday not Tuesday and I hadn’t written my column! So there I was, forced to examine life and love, despite my desire to say “Fiddle dee dee, I’ll think about it tomorrow.” I couldn’t pretend anymore. I had to face what was bugging me.

 See, my boyfriend of 3 years is in London for 2 weeks, and let’s just say I’m not happy about that. In fact I’m very unhappy but to explain why would take about 4 blog entries! So, for now, I’ll tap-dance around that subject and say that right now I am facing a decision: should I stay or should I go? Everyone reading this blog has dealt with this type of decision before. You wonder if you should overlook a repeated relationship infraction once again, or say enough is enough! You wonder if you have reached your personal limit of what you will and won’t do for love and if the time has come to love yourself more. The answers never seem to come easily or quickly enough. Read more »

Valentine’s Day. There, I said it. Look, I’m not one of those women who looks forward to that day. It isn’t that I’m bitter or anything. Its just that in my 30-plus years I’ve given that one day enough of my effort, from hoping I’d get a Valentine from a classmate I had a crush on to hoping a man would propose. I’ve only had a few that would qualify as special, unless you count breaking up, getting stood up, or dumping someone “special”.

Lucky for me, I’ve gotten wiser as I’ve gotten older. I don’t put too much on that day anymore. After all, what would be the point? I’ve experienced a lot of romance on the 364 other perfectly good days of the year in my current relationship. I love myself when I’m not in a relationship. And I’m confident that God will continue to bless me with loving relationships that nurture me. Besides, I don’t work in an office where I get to flaunt an ostentatious flower arrangement and be the envy of all my co-workers anymore. Read more »

Dear Sisters,

Hey girls! I don’t want us to get off on the wrong foot, so I had to come to you, woman to woman, and tell you a few things that you really need to know. To my sisters of other colors (and my brothers) I’m not ignoring you. I’d never do that. I just felt that before we went any further talking about sex and love that it was best that I get some things off my chest to a population who needs to hear this more than anybody else.

It seems like every time I turn around there’s another book, article, or new special telling me how bleak my romantic future is as an African-American woman. Hearing updated statistics on how there is a shortage of available black men and how black women are the least likely to get married never seems to stop. Well, you know what I have to say about that? SHUT UP! Read more »